Insul*n

I'm on insul*n. Ick. every night before bed I get to give myself a shot in the stomach. So far it has not helped, my first fasting number was 153, that's a disaster. My daytime, after meal numbers are still perfect. Apparantly, timing is everything at night and i have no understanding of the right timing. I feel so clueless. I can't get a handle on whether or not to snack at night, when to snack, how many carbs to have as part of my snack and when to take my insul*n. Its a long acting insul*n that takes effect between 4 and 10 hours. that's a huge window. I am also on a very low dose so it obviously needs to be adjusted. This is so frustrating. at my 28wk ultrasound my little girl was measuring 3.6lbs. She is going to be huge. My dietician is clueless. Whenever I talk to her I get ridiculous responses. She actually asked me whether I was eating foods in the morning I forgot to write down or tell her about like a donut or something. Come on. She told me that I will most likely remain diabetic after my pregnancy due to my high fasting numbers. Luckily I don't put any faith in her responses. Although, I guess it means it could be in my future if I don't stay on a modified diet and excercise plan. Ugh.

Last night I did the shot at 8:30 p.m. with no bedtime snack. Tonight I will go back to a 10 pm bedtime snack and try taking the shot right before bed. Wonder what that will do. I go back to my OB next wednesday, I think an insul*n adjustment is key.

More on my diet

So far so good. I have actually lost some weight on this low carb diet. Nothing alarming just 4 lbs. I guess I didn't realize how many carbs I have been eating. Also, I pretty much have cut out, eating out, desert and big meals. I see my doctor in two days and find out if I have to go on insulin. I really hope not. Throughout the day I can manage my levels but I can't seem to get my fasting rate down (the level when I first wake up in the morning). I tried getting up at 2am to have a snack and that didn't help. I just don't know what else to try. I am supposed to be under 95 and I can't even get below 120.

One thing I can't figure out is why my swelling is gone. before i cut out all the carbs, my feet were ballooning. I had definte cankles. My doctor just said that some women swell and it will get worse before it gets better. Ever since I cut out carbs, I have not had the bad swelling. Boots and shoes that didn't fit before fit fine. I have never heard of sugar making you swell so I am not sure what happened. I guess I could have been eating a lot of "salty" carbs, but I really don't think so.

G*stational D*abetes

I failed my 1hr prescreen test. I went back a week later for the 3hr fasting test and failed that as well. I meet with the dietician this week. Good greif. I was really hoping for a easy coast for the last three months. I am not sure what the dietician is going to tell me, my diet has been pretty good. I started bad, mostly due to queaziness, it seemed like only sugary and junk food was palatable, but since the second trimester I have been really good. I really don't get all that hungry, so I havn't been eating a lot or even eating a lot of junk food or sugary snacks. My weight has been right on target. Since I failed the test I have been really watching carbs. I hope I can control this with diet and don't have to go to insulin. My cousin had this and she had to go on insulin, no matter what she did with her diet it didn't help. yikes. I do think I have had some symptoms, for one thing, my feet have been really, really swelling since practically day one. I also have had some dizziness which I think is related. My BP has been consistently low so I have that going for me. So no halloween candy for me. I hope the diet is not too bad.

The results

OMG who knew ten days could drag like that! We finally got the results back and our baby girl does not have d*wn syndrome or any of the other chromosonal abnormalities. Thank you all for you well wishes. Thank you God.

The Test

I wish I could remember my exact numbers, I know I have the results somewhere, but I can't find them. I just recall that the NT measurement was 2.21 and my Bhcg was 2 something and my pappa was .20 something. So that's how we ended up with the miserable 1 in 25 for d*wn. Apparantly anything over 2 on the NT scan is so so, over 2.5 is not good and the blood proteins are supposed to be around 1. We did see a nasal bone at the 12 week ultrasound, so that's good. According to my genetic counselor that's not factored in our results. So maybe our results should be a little more positive. The level 2 ultra went as well as could be expected, no markers found, so all in all I should be feeling fairly positive. But I'm not. Its not that I feel negative, its just that I am scared. So last Thursday, while sitting at work, it hit me. The damn it, "I just have to know" feeling. After previously resolving not to do an amn*o because we would not terminate, I changed my mind (about the test not the terminating). I just really want to stop stressing. I called my counselor and she scheduled me for an amn*o for the next day. Mr. S and I went to the office first thing in the morning, I was praying on the way. (Although, its odd to be praying for the baby to be ok from something I was subjecting it to for my sake......but its just hard to make resolutions about things when you are in the thick of things.) They took us right back when we arrived. (getting an immediate appointment doesn't really happen, however if you are crying when you call the counselor things seem to open up for you.)

For the test, I layed flat on the ultra sound table, they located an area in the sac not near the baby or the placenta and we waited for the doctor. All the while, the tech was telling me that it would be very quick and over in 30 seconds. The doctor came in, spread brown antiseptic all over my tummy and prepared to insert the needle. Before the doctor arrived, I had told Mr. S that under no circumstances should either of us look directly at the needle. The Dr came in, I held Mr. S's hand and focused on the ultrasound screen. The Dr. was left handed and unfortunatly Mr. S ended up sitting less than a foot from the huge needle. He saw everything. I didn't look once. I felt Mr. S's hand go cold and clammy. The insertion of the needle hurt (about a 5 on a 1-10) and then I felt like I was getting menstrual cramps. The doctor moved the needle around for a full minute. He then took the transducer out of the tech's hand and continued to slightly move the needle. I watched the ultrasound and saw the bright needle moving around. He told the tech to prepare another needle for reinsertion. I was about ready to go into a full panic. This was going on five minutes instead of 30 seconds. I willed my self to relax and tried some yoga breathing. The doctor finally spoke to me and said, "good" "very good". He was able to get a sample and removed the needle. He did not have to use the second needle. The tech got a heart rate for the baby 147 and all was fine. After the doctor left, Mr. S asked the tech if all that was normal. She said that sometimes when the needle pierces the uterus, the uterus starts contracting, things shift and its necessary to insert a second needle in another location. However, we did not end up needing to reinsert. I felt fine after the test. Mr. S was a little shaky. (he has fainted twice after having blood taken, so he's not great with needles.) We went straight home and I went right to bed. I stayed there for the rest of the day. The only thing that bothered me was the insertion site was a little sore if I pressed on it, so......I stopped touching it. The next day I stayed in bed in the morning and then resumed normal activity in the afternoon. We get results in ten days. Earlier results were not an option. Would I do it again? Um, yeah, probably.

Another glimpse of our Little

Yesterday was the detailed ultra sound to look for markers for d*wn syndr*me. None were found. Before I was able to breathe a sigh of relief it was explained to me that, ultra sound only detects 50% of d*wn babies. The first trimester screen is a much more accurate tool. So while the good results of the ultrasound do push our odds up a little bit from 1 in 25 to something like 1 in 40 they didn't really get us very far. It was recommended that we get an amnio. Mr. S was ready for the amnio at this point, but I was not. I just can't seem to wrap my head around how I could possibly get over the loss if God forbid something should happen. The odds are definetly in our favor for the amnio but its just a hard decision to make. The doctor said most couples who have low numbers like us and are on the fence end up coming back about a week later after the "glow" of the good ultrasound wears off. For now I am still "glowing" so no amnio.

Our little was not very well behaved for the ultrasound. There were several somersalts that thwarted some of the tech's ability to get measurments. It was so fun to watch, I can't wait to meet her. Yep, its a girl, my OB was wrong when she guessed boy! We are so excited. Mr. S was a tad distressed, our little sweetheart had no interest in keeping her knees together. It was the one view that the tech was consistently able to get without any trouble! We don't have a single girl name picked out. All this time we were thinking boy.

This and that

I was supposed to see my OB today for my 16 week check up however I had to cancel my appointment. Earlier this week I set up a meeting at work with all the "big wheels" and other "little nuts" like myself and I was so worried about accomodating everyone's schedule that I forgot to check my own. I scheduled the meeting for the exact same time as my doctor's appoint. Duh. So I had to cancel my appointment and reschedule for next Monday. I am so disapponted because I get so happy on appointment days. I can't wait to get another peak at our "little". Today, according to my count I am 16 weeks. According to the Perinatal doctor records I am 16 weeks and 3 days. I am not sure what my OB has me at. I was hoping at this point to feel movement, but so far nothing. I am also not showing much. I am wearing maternity pants but with my normal shirts. I told my boss already but have not told anyone else at work. She won't tell anyone else until I do because she knows what I went through with my miscarriage. It just feels weird telling people your pregnant and not looking the least bit pregnant. Pudgy yes, pregnant, not so much.

I still have scary thoughts in between ultrasounds that things are not as they should be. I worry all the time about the baby's heart just stopping because I have seen that happen twice before. The only comfort I can give myself is clinging to my symptoms. When I went in for an ultrasound after 9wks with my last pregnancy and there was no more heartbeat, I kinda already knew. My anxiety was through the roof after losing the first twin, but it was more than anxiety. Two days before the ultrasound I skipped breakfast because I was so busy at work. Two hours later I did not get the queasy/voracious hunger feeling. I felt nothing. I knew that was a bad sign. The next day I had a late lunch and the same thing, I felt nothing. Previously if I didn't eat every 2-3 hours I immediately started to feel queasy. I knew when that symptom went away, something was not right. So this pregnancy, my dominate symptom is fatigue so when I start to get paranoid I relax a little when I get out of breath just walking from my car to my office. I can't really judge my symptoms by how I feel when I don't eat, because I eat all. the. time. Its my new favorite hobby. Seriously, I think I have a snack every hour, I am going to be huge.

I got my new wig last weekend. I love it. Its gorgeous, if I do say so myself. Right now I am wearing it in a pony tail with a cute little scarf as a headband. The scarf is just for show, its not hiding anything, or holding anything, I'm just wearing cause its pretty. Yesterday I put it up in a french clip. I got so many compliments. This wig is darker than my old wig, people think I just colored my hair. Its also 3 inches longer......so yeah, I've been wearing it up every day and probably will this week and next, just to transition. I love how well it stays on my head. I could do a cartwheel and it wouldn't budge. To wash it, I just wear it in the shower, no wig stands or weird procedures to wash and dry it. yeah.